Toti copiii se manifesta uneori agresiv si, fiecare copil trece prin perioade când comportamentul negativ tinde să domine.
Comportamentul agresiv este o etapa in copilarie si face parte din dezvoltarea copiilor Acesta se afla sub actiunea impulsului iar pe masura ce copii cresc au nevoie ca motivele care stau la baza acestor comportamente sa fie intelese pentru a putea fi ajutati, iar aceste comportamnente impulsive sa dispara.
Trebuie facuta insa o distinctie intre sentimentele de tip negativ si manifestarile de tip negativ, acestea din urma avind nevoie de impunerea limitelor.
Primii ani din viata ai copilului sunt importanti pentru dezvoltarea lor emotionala.
Comportamentul agresiv apare in prima copilarie(1-3 ani) si reprezinta incercarea copilului de a se impune, a testa limitele sau de a atrage atentia.
De regula, copii nu vorbesc despre emotiile lor, insa actiunile acestora exprima mai mult decit cuvintele.
Este stiut ca fiecare dintre noi avem astfel de sentimente si ca, a le ignora sau reprima nu inseamna ca nu exista si de aceea este sanatos a vorbi despre ceea ce simtim deoarece acest lucru permite eliberarea de ostilitate.
Reprimarea acestor sentimente nu face decit sa frustreze si sa mareasca tensiunea interioara cu repercursiuni asupra echilibrului emotional.
Din aceasta cauza este bine sa vorbim cu copii nostrii despre ceea ce simt De exemplu putem spune copilului ca :“Te simti suparat pentru ca ti-a luat jucaria” sau “esti furios pentru ca mama nu ti-a dat voie sa te urci pe scaun”, astfel ii dam posibilitatea sa vorbeasca despre ce simte dar sis a isi elibereze tensiunea emotionala negativa.
Reprimarea acestor sentimente( una din modalitati ar fi prin a spune copilului ca simte exact contrariul a ceea ce simte in momentul respectiv) va avea consecinta nu numai faptul ca ei vor invata sa reprime acest tip de sentimente dar si pe cele frumoase, sanatoase, cu rol benefic in sanatatea emotionala.
Copii sunt oglinzi ale mediului in care se dezvolta
Ei invaţă prin imitare şi identificare. Si în domeniul emoţional, copilul învaţă privind la părinţi sau la alţi adulţi importanţi pentru el si chiar la copiii mai mari.
Atunci cind vad persoane din mediul familial sau persoane importante pentru ei ca isi exteriorizeaza emotiile de nemultumire sau minie intr-un mod dur, impulsiv, cu comportamente agresive asociate, invata ca o astfel de manifestare este cea normala, ca acesta este singurul mod valid de a se manifesta si rezolva conflictele.
Violenţa insa din start este un mijloc prost de a rezolva conflictele intre oameni.
Atunci cind un copil devine nemultumit indiferent de motivul care a dus la acest lucru , ca parinti trebuie sa fim pregatiti sa il ajutam sa isi trateze minia intr-un mod constructiv si nu unul distructiv
Cauzele agresivitatii pot fi multiple plecind de la factori fizici de tip oboseala, foame pina la dorinta de a atrage atentia sau a demonstra superioritatea.
Dacă un copil se simte neînţeles, respins si manipulat, poate cu usurinţă sa dezvolte trăsături negative si, deseori, rezultatul va fi acela de tristete, conflict si răzvrătire.
Astfel ca cel mai bine este sa ne uitam cu intelegere si atentie la el, la ce incearca sa ne spuna prin mijloacele pe care le are la indemina in acel moment si sa putem veni in intimpinarea nevoilor lui.
Impunerea unor limite de la primele manifestari de violenta fizica ajuta copilul sa interiorizeze aceste limite si sa isi controleze impulsurile
Este vital pentru un copil să interiorizeze limite definite impotriva violenţei fizice.
Limitele si impunerea lor nu inseamna nicidecum administrarea unei batai deoarece nu facem decit sa intarim si mai mult comportamentul.
Dar un mod autoritar in care sa ii precizam ca este normal sa se simta furios insa nu trebuie sa loveasca este binevenit astfel ca, el va invata sa nu isi reprime sentimentele, se va mai detensiona si va interioriza si limita faptului ca violenta nu este niciodata un mijloc de rezolvare
Impunerea acestora intr-un mod neagresiv, comunicarea faptului ca nu trebuie sa isi faca rau, lui sau altora si nici sa strice lucrurile din jur sunt elemente esentiale in ceea ce priveste controlul impulsurilor
Importanta in acest proces este si comunicarea si, de aceea este bine sa comunicati cu micutul pentru a descoperi care este sursa reactiilor sale agresive.
Bineinteles ca impunerea acestor limite se completeaza cu exemplul familial sau a mediului in care se dezvolta, adica un mediu in care exista un climat relational-afectiv pozitiv lipsit de acte de violente asigura o dezvoltare armonioasa a copilui.
Climatul relational afectiv pozitiv din familie reduce mult impactul asupra copilului a unor alte surse de violenta din afara mediului familial.
Basmele si dezvoltarea psihica armonioasa a copiilor
Aproape fiecare ne aducem aminte de vremea copilariei cind basmele ne infrumusetau universul si cum fiecare vroiam sa fim printesele sau printii din poveste
Cum insa basmele au un rol in dezvoltarea armonioasa a copiilor?
Basmele reprezinta rezervorul de intelepciune naturala al lumii si pentru ca folosesc un limbaj simbolic ele pot fi accesate cu usurinta de copii, astfel ca, prin intermediul lor copii se pot intilni cu diferite situatii emotionale, familiale si sociale
Prin faptul ca trateaza teme din realitate acestea ii ajuta sa experimenteze diferite situatii, intr-un cadru securizat, poate de dinainte de a se fi confruntat cu ele in viata de zi cu zi ajutindu-l in acest fel sa se dezvolte emotional.
Basmele au ca tema principala eroul, viata lui, drumul de la nastere pina cind el devine adult si in acord cu atingerea scopului personal
Ba mai mult basmele reprezinta ecranul pe care se proiecteaza diferitele conflicte interioare ale copiilor Prin intermediul lor ei pot lasa sa existe frica, dorinta, emotia, fara a se teme insa ca i se poate intimpla ceva negativ Ca urmare prin reducerea tensiunii intrapsihice basmele au un rol sanogen din punct de vedere psihologic
Basmele confera intotdeauna o nota pozitiva deoarece majoritatea dintre ele arata ca binele invinge intotdeauna raul
Promoveaza aspecte luminoase ale firii omenesti cum ar fi bunatatea, generozitatea, empatia, curajul, increderea.
Ele au rolul de a hrani speranta ca orice situatie oricit de grea este poate avea un sfirsit bun, si chiar daca pare a fi fara de iesire intotdeauna exista ceva, cineva care ne poate ajuta
Deoarece nu impune imagini, modele din afara ele lasa creativitatea copiilor sa se dezvolte Basmele, prin faptul ca permit copiilor sa se identifice cu personajul(e) dezvolta creativitatea neimpunind imagini preformate de dinainte astfel ca mai tirziu nu vor ajunge sa se raporteze la o anume imagine(gen Barbie).
Faptul ca se pot proiecta si da voie tuturor sa se identifice cu personajul din basm face sa hraneasca potentialul fiecaruia nefiind restrictionat de o imagine care doar daca ii corespunzi poti fi si tu la fel de bun, frumos, curajos, iubit sau sa ai incredere in tine si in ce iti ofera viata.
Si daca acestea sunt efecte pe termen lung putem vorbi insa si de efecte imediate si nu numai. Pentru ca intr-o lume in care totul se desfasoara rapid si nu avem timp sau de cele mai multe ori nu avem timpul pe care dorim sa il petrecem cu copii nostrii putem insa sa nu uitam ca totusi nu cantitatea de timp petrecuta impreuna isi spune cuvintul ci CALITATEA, iar momentele cind citim un basm copiilor nostri poate aduce acest lucru armonizind astfel relatia dintre parinte si copil
Psihoterapeut Liliana Puchea
Telefon : 0722207760
Adresa Bdul Magheru , nr32-36, sect.1, zona Piata Romana
https://cabinetdepsihologiepuchealiliana.blogspot.com/
Citit, editat si publicat de Radu Leca
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Fairytales-the first solution against aggressiveness
Every child has moments when he behaves aggressively and every child goes through times when the negative behavior is predominant. Aggressive behavior is a stage in childhood and is a part of children’s development. This behavior is ruled by instinct and, as children grow up, they need the reasons that determine these behaviors to be understood in order to be helped so that these impulsive behaviors will disappear.
There needs to be done a distinction between negative feelings and negative manifestations; the latter need limits.
The first years in a child’s life are important for his emotional development. Aggressive behavior appears during the first childhood (1-3 years) and it represents the child’ attempt to assert himself, to test his limits or to draw attention.
Usually, children don’t talk about their emotions but their actions express more than words could. It is known that each one of us has this kind of feelings and that ignoring or repressing them doesn’t mean they are not there. This is why it’s healthy to talk about what we feel because this allows a discharge of hostility.
Repressing these feelings has no other effect than to create frustration and to increase interior tension with repercussions on the emotional balance of the person. This is the reason why we should talk with our children about their feelings. For example, we can say to the child: “Are you upset because he took your toy?” or “Are you angry because your mom didn’t let you go up on the chair?”. This way, we give them the opportunity to talk about what they are feeling and also to release the negative emotional tension.
Repressing these feelings (for example by telling the child that he feels the opposite of what he’s feeling) will lead to the child learning to suppress not only his negative feelings but also the beautiful, healthy ones that have a good role in his emotional health.
Children are mirrors of the environment they grow up in
They learn through imitation and identification. In the emotional area also, the child learns by watching his parents or other important adults in his life or even older children.
When they see family members or significant people for them expressing negative emotions in a harsh, impulsive manner with aggressive behaviors, they learn that such a manifestation is the regular one, that this is the only valid way to manifest and resolve conflicts.
Violence is a bad way to solve conflicts. When a child becomes unsatisfied from whatever reason, as parents, we should be prepared to help him deal with his anger in a constructive way.
The causes of aggressiveness are multiple, from physical factors like tiredness or hunger to the will to attract attention or to prove superiority.
If a child feels misunderstood, rejected or manipulated, he can easily develop negative traits and, often, it will result in sadness, conflict and rebellion. The best thing we can do is to try to understand him, to pay attention to him, to what he is trying to tell us in order to be able to meet his needs. Imposing limits from the first manifestations of physical violence helps the child to internalize these limits and to control his impulses.
It’s vital for a child to internalize clear limits against physical violence.
The limits don’t mean beating the child because that way we would only reinforce his aggressive behavior. An authoritarian way to tell him it’s normal to feel angry but he mustn’t hit someone else, is welcome because, this way, he will learn not to repress his feelings, it will ease his tension and he will internalize the fact that violence is never a solution.
Imposing these limits in a nonaggressive way, communicating the fact that he shouldn’t hurt himself or others or break other people’s stuff are essential for impulse control.
Communication is also very important in this process which is why you should communicate with your child in order to discover the cause of his aggressive reactions.
Imposing these limits is completed by the familial example, which should show an environment defined by a positive relational-affective atmosphere with no violent acts. This positive climate reduces the negative impact that outside violence sources can have on the child.
Fairytales and a positive psychological development of the child
Almost every one of us remembers childhood when fairytales made our universe more beautiful and how we wanted to be the princesses or princes from the story. How do fairytales play a part in the balanced development of children?
Fairytales represent a tank of natural wisdom because they use a symbolic language that can be easily understood by children. Thus, through fairytales, children can encounter different emotional, familial and social situations.
Because they treat themes from reality, they help children experiment different situations in a secure context before they face them in real life, thus helping them to emotionally develop.
Fairytales have as a central theme the hero, his life, the road from birth until adulthood, in accordance with the achievement of a personal purpose. They represent the screen on which the children can project interior conflicts. Through them, they can let fear, desire, emotion exist without fearing that something bad could happen. By reducing psychological tension, fairytales have a healthy role in a child’s development.
Fairytales offer a positive view because most of them show that good defeats evil. They promote positive aspects of the human nature like: goodness, generosity, empathy, courage and trust. They have the role to nurture the hope that any situation, no matter how difficult, can have a good ending and even if it seems hopeless, there is always something or someone that could help us.
Because they don’t impose images, models from outside, they let the children’s creativity develop. Fairytales, by allowing children to identify with the character(s), develop creativity. They do not impose images so that later, children won’t relate to a certain image (like Barbie).
The fact that they allow projection and that they allow anyone to identify with the character creates the possibility to feed every one’s potential by not creating an image with which you can only relate if you are as good, beautiful, courageous or loved. They make you trust yourself and what life has to offer.
If these are long term effects, we can also talk about short term effects. In a world that quickly develops and that doesn’t give us enough time to spend with our children, we mustn’t forget that it’s not the quantity of time that’s relevant but the QUALITY and the moments spent by reading a fairytale to our child can help consolidate the relationship.
Traducere Valentina Ceauca