Psihologie, Psihologie de Cuplu, Radu Leca, Ultrapsihologie

Cum upgradezi relatia de cuplu?

Asculta doar daca esti pregatit sa treci la nivelul urmator.

Cum upgradezi relatia de cuplu?

Cuvantul de ordine este asculta!
Observi ce face partenerul tau de cuplu. Asculti ceea ce spune si mai ales intelegi ceea ce spune. Important: observi cum spune ce spune, iar aici avem o nuanta (Ce iti spune).

Daca vei fi atent la omul de langa tine, din prima clipa cand dorinta lui de comunicare se si manifesta, vei intelege defapt ceea ce vrea de la tine.

Ce ai de facut ca lucrurile sa iasa asa cum tu iti doresti. Trebuie sa iti faci un grafic.
Ce contine graficul?

De cand sunteti impreuna, care sunt punctele lui forte, care sunt punctele tale forte, ce ii place lui mult, ce iti place tie mult, cand a inceput sa nu se mai inteleaga cu tine si daca cu putin timp inainte sa se intample asta, au fost alte lucrui pe care acum le poti lega.

Ai nevoie de o perspectiva clara asupra vietii tale.

Nu mai fi un simplu spectator. Stiu ca este usor sa fi spectator, dar in cazul in care iti place omul de langa tine si ai ganduri serioase cu el, hai sa vedem impreuna daca merita efortul tau de a te transforma din spectator in participant direct.

Dupa ce ti-ai facut o parere despre perspectiva reala a vietii tale si ai ajuns in punctul in care nu mai vrei sa fi un simplu spectator, argumenteaza-ti actiuniile corect. In primul rand focalizeaza-te pe primul pas, prima actiune ce o ai de facut, primul lucru realizat constient in cuplu.

Dupa ce te-ai focalizat, formuleaza-ti undeva in spatele gandurilor urmatoarea intrebare:

merita sau o iau de la inceput cu altcineva?

Intrebarea nu trebuie sa fie puternica ci doar prezenta in capul tau din momentul in care ai decis sa devi constient in relatie. Cu ce te ajuta aceasta intrebare? Cu stabilirea importantei reale, pe care o are partenerul pentru tine.

Amalia-Oseaca 2010

Eu mi-am dat seama cum trebuie sa vezi partenerul de cuplu, ca sa stii permanent ce valoare are: lipit de tine. O extensie a ta, a vietii tale, a proprilor ganduri si aspiratii. In acest fel valoarea lui este mereu cuantificabila.

Ce contine upgradeul relatiei?

20% din pachetul de upgrade este reprezentat de trecerea ta, de la starea de spectator la partener activ in cuplu.

40% din pachetul de upgrade este reprezentat de observarea permanenta si intelegerea corecta a partenerului de cuplu.
Exemplu: Cand este obosit si iritat, nu il inconjura cu veselie. Veselia ta devine in acel moment, factor de stres. Inlocuieste veselia cu calmul intrebarilor de rutina si cu o vestimentatie care sa lase loc de interpretare.

40% din pachetul de upgrade este reprezentat de valorificarea emotionala corecta a momentelor cheie, rezultate din observare si intelegere.
Exemplu simplu: atunci cand esti invitat la masa, zambeste si reformuleaza. Am o idee, ce zici, vrei sa gatim impreuna? Propune tu primul, un meniu.

Foto: Model – Amalia Oseaca

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Articol realizat de Radu Leca

How to upgrade your relationship
Listen only if you are ready to go on to the next level.
The important word is listen!
You observe what your partner does. You listen to what he says and, more importantly, you understand what he says. It’s also important to observe how he is saying the things he’s saying and here we have a nuance.
If you pay attention to the person next to you, from the first moment that his desire to communicate arises, you will understand what is it that he expects from you.
What can you do so that things turn out the way you want them? You must draw a graph. What does this graph contain?
How long have you been together, what are his strengths, what are your strengths, what does he like, what do you really like, when have the misunderstandings begun and if there were any signs before that.
You need a clear perspective on your life.
Don’t be just a spectator. I know it’s easy but if you really like the man next to you and you see a future together, let’s see if it’s worth your effort to turn from a spectator in a participant.
After you have formed an opinion on the real perspective of your life and you reached the point in which you no longer want to be a spectator, bring arguments for your actions. Focus on the first step, the first action you have to take, the first thing done consciously in your couple.
After you’ve focused, ask yourself this: Is it worth it to start all over again with someone new?
The question doesn’t have to be strong, just present. How does it help you? It establishes how important your partner really is for you.
I realized how you must perceive your partner in order to always know his value: stuck to you. An extension of yours, of your life, your thoughts and aspirations. This way, his value is always quantifiable.
What does an upgrade of the relationship contain?
20% of the upgrade package is you going from a spectator to an active partner in the couple.
40% of the upgrade package is permanently observing and correctly understanding your partner.
For example: when he’s tired or annoyed don’t surround him with joy. Your joy becomes then a stress factor. Replace the joy with the calmness of routine questions and clothing that leaves room for interpretation.
40% of the upgrade package is emotionally valuing the key moments resulted from observing and understanding.
A simple example: when you’re invited to dinner, smile and rephrase. “I have an idea, what do you think of cooking together? You say what you would like.”

Traducere: Valentina Ceauca

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